Adult Sex and Intimacy: How to Build Trust and Lasting Connection
Do you try to be very good all the time? Do you let other people go first? Do you give away your toys, your time, and your love, even when you get nothing back?
If you said yes, you might be a person who gives too much. You want everyone to be happy. But sometimes, bad people look for good people like you.
A very selfish person is called a taker. A person who gives too much is a helper. Helpers and takers often find each other. It is like a magnet.
This is a big problem. It happens a lot. Let us talk about why this happens. We will even talk about how it hurts grown-up time, like when grown-ups have adult sex.
Why Do Helpers and Takers Find Each Other?
It is very sad when a helper loves a taker. But it happens all the time. Here is why.
- One Gives, One Takes. A helper wants to be loved. They think, “If I am very good, they will like me.” A taker wants all the love for themselves. They do not want to share. So, the helper gives and gives. The taker takes and takes. They fit together like a bad puzzle.
- It Feels Normal Sometimes, when we are little kids, we do not get enough love. We learn that we must work hard for love. When we grow up, we look for friends who make us work hard. It feels normal to be tired. It feels normal to give everything away.
- The Taker Acts Tough. A helper often feels scared. A taker acts very big and strong. At first, the helper feels safe. They think, “This big strong person will save me.” But the taker is not really strong. They are just mean. They like it when the helper feels small and scared.
The Big Problem with Grown-Up Time
When two grown-ups love each other, they have a special time. They hug and kiss. They share a bed. This time is called adult sex.
Adult sex should be very happy. It should be safe. It should make both people feel good. Both people should smile.
But when a helper is with a taker, adult sex is not happy. It is a big problem.
Here is what happens. The helper thinks, “I must make the taker happy in bed.” The helper does not ask for what they want. The helper does what the taker wants. The helper is scared to say no.
The taker does not care if the helper is happy. The taker only cares about what feels good for the taker. The taker does not ask, “Are you okay?” The taker takes.
So, adult sex becomes a sad time for the helper. It feels like a job. It feels like a chore. The helper feels very alone, even when they are right next to the taker. Adult sex should bring two people close. But the taker uses adult sex to be the boss.
This is not fair. Your body is yours. You get to say yes or no. In adult sex, both people must be kind.
How the Helper Feels
Being with a taker makes the helper feel very sick and sad.
- Very Tired: The helper has no energy left. They gave it all away.
- Lost: The helper forgets what they like. They only know what the taker likes.
- All Alone: The taker does not really know the helper. The taker only knows the fake helper.
- Mad: Deep down, the helper is very mad. But they are too scared to yell.
How to Stop Giving Too Much
Are you a helper? Do you love a taker? You can stop this. You can be brave.
- Learn to Say No. “No” is a very good word. It is not mean to say no. If you do not want to do something, say no. If you are tired, say no. If you do not want to have adult sex, say no. A good friend will listen. A taker will get mad. Let them be mad.
- Keep Your Own Toys. Do not give all your time away. Keep some time just for you. Play a game. Read a book. Go for a walk. You are important too.
- Find Good Friends. Look for people who ask you questions. Look for people who smile when you walk in the room. Look for a person who wants you to feel good in adult sex, not just them. A good friend gives love back to you.
You do not have to be tired anymore. You do not have to be a helper to a taker. You can be free. You can be happy.
If you want to learn how to stop finding bad friends, you should watch this video. It will help you learn how to be strong and find real love.
